Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, and that fight or flight response kicks in. Somewhere in the middle of 'losing it', however, crazy writers see a good slice of life scene or the potential for a book. I could have written many books during the past 3 months if my fingers could keep up with my brain once it's disengaged from structure. My friend Losin'-It will be my muse.
Psychiatrist: I'm sorry you've been waiting.
Patient Losin'-It: 40 minutes.
Psy: You're depressed.
Pat: I was depressed when I came in here. We're into something else right now.
Psy: Do you want to kill yourself?
Pat: Not really, but you're looking like a really good target.
Psy: Are you hormonal?
Pat: (thinking: Dumbass) No. I'm pissed. Do keep the crazy one waiting.
Psy: Do you have mood swings?
Pat: Are you familiar with the term 'roller coaster'?
Psy: I suspect a bit of bi-polar.
Pat: YA THINK????????
Psy: Did you ever get that follow up on the questionable mammogram?
Pat: No, I've been waiting to get in.
Psy: (shuffling paperwork, looking) But it's been 3 months!
Pat: Tell me about it.
Psy: Do you think maybe that's one reason you're depressed?
Pat: Now we're getting somewhere.
Psy: How are your relationships at home?
Pat: Their bruises are healing, but they all avoid me just the same.
Psy: Have you thought about taking a trip?
Pat: I'm visiting a friend this month.
Psy: This is good.
Pat: She's dying.
Psy: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What's wrong with her?
Pat: Breast cancer.
Psy: (scribbling) I think you're depressed.
Pat: (starting to shake) You're the one with the medical degree. (thinking: My dog could have told me that one.)
Psy: Are you sleeping?
Pat: Every other week whether I need to or not.
Psy: I want you taking this drug and this one and this one. Come see me in a couple of weeks. You may need to talk about some of this.
Pat: So you want me talking to you while stoned? I thought we were talking now.
Psy: Not when you're this depressed. Do you smoke?
Pat: What do you think?
Psy: I'm only trying to help. Do you want to quit smoking?
Pat: Sure. As soon as I don't have a reason to reach for nicotine.
Psy: Why do you feel the need to smoke now?
Pat: BECAUSE I'M DEPRESSED?
Psy: I think you're depressed. I'm giving you another drug. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Pat: Got a cure for breast cancer?
Now I know why middle-aged women have drinking parties and get crazy now and then. Beer, anyone? Pretzels? Prozac?