Monday, January 30, 2006

Prozac Parties


Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, and that fight or flight response kicks in. Somewhere in the middle of 'losing it', however, crazy writers see a good slice of life scene or the potential for a book. I could have written many books during the past 3 months if my fingers could keep up with my brain once it's disengaged from structure. My friend Losin'-It will be my muse.

Psychiatrist: I'm sorry you've been waiting.
Patient Losin'-It: 40 minutes.
Psy: You're depressed.
Pat: I was depressed when I came in here. We're into something else right now.
Psy: Do you want to kill yourself?
Pat: Not really, but you're looking like a really good target.
Psy: Are you hormonal?
Pat: (thinking: Dumbass) No. I'm pissed. Do keep the crazy one waiting.
Psy: Do you have mood swings?
Pat: Are you familiar with the term 'roller coaster'?
Psy: I suspect a bit of bi-polar.
Pat: YA THINK????????
Psy: Did you ever get that follow up on the questionable mammogram?
Pat: No, I've been waiting to get in.
Psy: (shuffling paperwork, looking) But it's been 3 months!
Pat: Tell me about it.
Psy: Do you think maybe that's one reason you're depressed?
Pat: Now we're getting somewhere.
Psy: How are your relationships at home?
Pat: Their bruises are healing, but they all avoid me just the same.
Psy: Have you thought about taking a trip?
Pat: I'm visiting a friend this month.
Psy: This is good.
Pat: She's dying.
Psy: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What's wrong with her?
Pat: Breast cancer.
Psy: (scribbling) I think you're depressed.
Pat: (starting to shake) You're the one with the medical degree. (thinking: My dog could have told me that one.)
Psy: Are you sleeping?
Pat: Every other week whether I need to or not.
Psy: I want you taking this drug and this one and this one. Come see me in a couple of weeks. You may need to talk about some of this.
Pat: So you want me talking to you while stoned? I thought we were talking now.
Psy: Not when you're this depressed. Do you smoke?
Pat: What do you think?
Psy: I'm only trying to help. Do you want to quit smoking?
Pat: Sure. As soon as I don't have a reason to reach for nicotine.
Psy: Why do you feel the need to smoke now?
Pat: BECAUSE I'M DEPRESSED?
Psy: I think you're depressed. I'm giving you another drug. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Pat: Got a cure for breast cancer?


Now I know why middle-aged women have drinking parties and get crazy now and then. Beer, anyone? Pretzels? Prozac?

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9 Comments:

At 4:09 PM, Blogger Shesawriter said...

I'll take the Prozac! :-)

Tanya

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger Ann Jacobs said...

Hilarious, Lyn...or it would be if it didn't have a sickening ring of truth about it! Love the photo!!

 
At 7:08 PM, Blogger Merry said...

(HUGS) for you and friend with cancer.

The grain of truth was a might uncomfortable...I'll be getting my mammogram next month.

Hold on tight - we're here for ya.

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Sam said...

Three months? Is that a normal waiting time? I hope this isn't a true story - it is making me depressed.
Argh!!!

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

Hi, all. I'll take the Prozac, too, Tanya; yes, it's frightening to think such a thing could happen; and yes--we're working towards our 3rd month waiting to get in, but NO, that isn't a 'normal' wait time. I do suspect they will be more judicial about the time lapse next time, whether I'm on Prozac or not. It wasn't a pretty scene yesterday.

If that's not enough to contend with, woke up this morning to no water. Phoned water dept - I've paid up, and they're not working on a mainline or anything in my neighborhood. However, my water meter is spinning, so there's a big leak somewhere.

Phoned slumlord, who sent his assistant. After several minutes under my house shouting obscenites,he crawled out, caked with mud, and said he quit, phone a plumber - the problem is under the ground, and there's a huge leak, major spurting as in geyser.

I went next door to landlord's rental apt complex, and I've been ferrying water in buckets (to flush the toilet) and in gallon jugs (for coffee, tea, washing hands, and to boil for drinking water. I'm without transportation, son is gone, and I have pets. Can't shower or do laundry or dishes until new plumber arrives and fixes, but if it's major, I may be SOL for several hours.

Paid 5X and more the normal water bills in 2005 for other plumbing problems/water leaks. Looks like I'm in for it again.

BUT... I have Prozac now. *snort* Wonder if that will help the writing today.

 
At 8:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, who do you need me to call???
Fax perhaps? LOL.....it's all we can do...keep smiling (the drugs might help). I'd run a garden hose to your house but I'm afraid it might freeze at this end and then we'd end up with a geiser somewhere else! (Well water here, very deep). Love you.......Sylvia

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

If anyone could track down a pimple on a gnat's butt it'd be you, Sylvia - lol. Thanks. Finally got water on at 9-something last night. I fell asleep shortly after. Neck & shoulders stiff from carrying water, but all is better.

 
At 8:48 PM, Blogger Amie Stuart said...

How did you get a picture of my kitten in the toilet????

 
At 12:01 AM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

cute, Cece! - ROFL

 

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