Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Pardon me while I rant a bit, and if you’re worried that I’m talking about you, I’m not. If you’re needy and hate ‘tough love’, it’s best you read no further. It’s my blog, so I’m venting on this one.

If you’re stuck in a rut, there’s a reason. You can either fight it, learn from it, or ignore it, but that doesn’t make the problem go away. You’re still in a rut. You can’t continue the same behavior and expect different results—that’s just not the way the world works.

Doesn’t matter if we’re talking about crappy grammar, a broken heart, losing a contest, losing weight, or not reaching your goals. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Like it or not, you have a choice, and what you do with it is nobody else’s responsibility.

Harsh word, responsibility, but it’s a necessary one. We don’t grow without it.

Some people, even intelligent ones, don’t consider that behavior is habitual, and a habit can be changed—replaced with a better one. They hate the results they keep getting, but they’re not willing to do the work involved to alter their circumstances. It’s always somebody else’s fault, or God hates them, or they’re not capable…excuses, and the results are the same. The rut is still there.

I had a student with horrid grammar, and she said that she’d leave that part of writing up to her editor. She’s still surprised that she can’t sell to a bigger, better (her words, not mine) publisher. She’s still surprised that I refuse to critique her, too.

A friend claims that nobody pays her attention, that she’s left out of things, that they don’t include her. Why should they when all she talks about is herself, when she’s never there when they need her, and when her attitude is one of me, me, me? When asked for my input, I was the asshole because I didn’t give her what she wanted. Oh, I was an asshole—I’ll give her that. I said things I shouldn’t have. My frustration overrode my common sense and courtesy. “That tough love crap doesn’t work with me.” Obviously not. Neither does expecting me to be your enabler…or your friend if you shit on me.

Just because I give you the truth as I see it when you ask me, it doesn’t mean I hate your writing or that I don’t like you as a person. It’s just that I’m not willing to let your dogma trample my karma, and if I don’t like myself when I’m with you, it’s time for one of us to take a step back and reevaluate things.

Just because you’re in a rut doesn’t mean you have to stay there either.

Do you like where you are? Your writing, your friendships, your life? Anything worth fighting for is worth an investment of time and energy and the willingness to give up what is bad for you. You’re not a tree, you’re not rooted to an idea or a person or a thing—you’ve made a choice to be where you are. If you wish to change things, it all starts with acceptance of your situation and abilities, followed by change. And again…if nothing changes, nothing changes. You are the only one in your life who can institute change. If you wait for someone else to turn you on, what if they never show up?

As you change and grow, though, do it with grace and forgiveness. Then you’ll have blessings you can’t imagine, and you’ll have others willing to nurture you.

The desire to grow something in our lives starts with desire, yes, but unless it’s followed with action, that seed is still lying there without what it needs to grow, to turn it from a dream into a reality. First the desire, then the soil, but somebody has to show up to plant the damn thing. Somebody has to pull the weeds, work the soil, ensure the sunlight, and foster fresh air. THEN and ONLY THEN can anyone, including you, enjoy it.

And that’s all I have to say about that today.



At 2:05 PM, Blogger Merry said...

Amen, Sistah! Although I msut say I'm actually trying to establish a rut...my life has been so topsy-turvy lately I WANT some routine. LOL

At 2:06 PM, Blogger Merry said...

I hate when I mispell words and psot without looking! Sigh. That word up there is "must."

At 2:06 PM, Blogger Merry said...

LOLOLOLOLOL- OOPS! I did it again!

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Amie Stuart said...

Very timely my friend. HOnestly, I'm with Merry...I'd like a bit of rut, a bit of slowdown. SEems like lately if it's not one thing it's another and I'm struggling for progress.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

Oh, my spelling's atrocious at times - lol - or should I say my TYPING?

I haven't been in a rut for a while, so maybe I'm just not as sympathetic as some would want me to be. I figure, I made the choices that put me here, so I can make the choices to get me out.

I have a 9-yr-old cousin in ICU for diabetes, and I swear she gets more done than a lot of adults I know. It's all perspective, saying THIS I can deal with, THIS I can't, and if it's not mine to fix, I'm moving to something else and leaving the rest of it up to God or whoever.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Selfish people just chap my ass, especially when there are those like little Kylie who don't ask much of anyone.

At 9:48 AM, Blogger Beth said...

I love your metaphor.
I've planted the seeds and I'm cultivating!
Change is definitely in the wind...

At 11:56 AM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

GREAT, Beth - you deserve a break after the past few months. It's good to see you!


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