Thursday, July 06, 2006

Lord, Save Us

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods

I have no clue if Tiger actually said this or if someone just credited him with it, and today’s blog has nothing whatsoever to do with hockey, basketball, or golf, but the word ‘pimp’ does come to mind.

Some things are so stupid that they deserve to be exposed. Say
an insurance company, for instance, has a customer…a little old lady, sitting at a local restaurant known for its dairy products, eating her ice-cream, and suddenly…lo and behold she has a fender bender of some sort. She phones her insurance company and tells them that a tan, four-door sedan just zoomed by and hit her while she was parked…a deliberate hit and run. BUT…she says, “I have the tag number.”

The tag # belongs to some poor schmuck living two cities away, and the car in question has been sitting lifeless in a driveway, awaiting the owner’s financial ability to fix ‘er up. The car has flat tires, fallen leaves debris from at least four winters, probably five, encrusted on the grill and beneath the windshield wipers. But…when the lady gives her insurance company the information, they phone the cops, and the police report “We’ve found that vehicle.” Now in some states, mind you, the DMV records do not show the COLOR of the vehicle, just the make, model, year.

When the insurance company can’t ‘locate’ the driver of that car, even though the driver has lived in the same house for nearly ten years, the debt soon gets turned over for collection to
a company who supposedly specializes in recoveries. They pull the DMV records and credit reports, send nasty, threatening letters (the kind that indicate “We’re having your license suspended until you clear up this matter”), and make the young man’s life a living hell. So he phones.

No, no police report was ever filed. No, no paint samples were taken. No photographs, no witnesses other than the old lady herself, clearly a ‘victim’, but…we’re pursuing this matter anyway. Pay the bill, deadbeat.

Let’s see, no Miranda rights were given, there’s no proof of the car or the driver actually being in the city limits, much less at Braum’s buzzing old ladies. The woman claiming injury to herself and vehicle has no proof, and the car that supposedly hit her is a dark, navy blue that has never had a paint job outside the factory. But the dumbass bill collector is SUING? Did they ever read the
FDCPA, much less pass a test on it?

Now the young man who has been driving another vehicle the past few years is suddenly put in the position of having his wages garnished, his license suspended, and…you get the picture. He has everyone from landlord to neighbors and friends willing to back him up against the old lady’s claim. So now what? Take a judgment against his credit report and get sued for something he didn’t do…or get an attorney to handle the matter? And we wonder why insurance premiums are so damned high.

Like I said, someone’s pimping something here…and it has nothing to do with race, sports, or people…just the color of a car.

On a more cheerful note, a woman I know who shall remain nameless and blameless just received notice from the public health department that she’s due for a yearly pap exam, one she just took six weeks ago. Oh, and according to the letter, her birth control will be withheld if she doesn’t show up. Never mind she’s not a virgin anywhere after that last exam, because it’s the ‘rules’ now that every woman in her state over the age of fifty gets the anal probe along with the pap. Never mind that her hysterectomy of ten years ago has saved her the need for birth control. Of course, before this is cleared up, the medical personnel will wish like hell she’d been on hormones since that surgery.

Again…and we wonder why insurance premiums are ridiculously high.

WTF? What next? A transient or illegal alien slips on someone’s lawn then sues the RENTER for enough money to put his/her ten kids through college?

We need to save our bullets and dollars and concentrate on winning the war against stupidity, because the real war isn’t overseas…it’s right here.

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Darryl said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, "Nope, a in't Bubba."
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.
"Yup, I've never seen 'em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we w ent to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

I’m sure one of them works for an insurance company somewhere.



At 6:43 PM, Blogger Merry said...

Well, you're not far off. In Texas, two illegal aliens sued the rancher who's land they crossed to get into the states for some kind of distress because he was aggressive in trying to keep them from crossing on HIS property. The illegal aliens now own the ranch.

Life in these United States...sigh.

At 8:12 PM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

Good Lord.

At 4:12 PM, Blogger Michele said...

Is it me, or are we Americans becoming the minority in our own country?
I've heard conspiracy theories galore -
I think that is why the X-files was so popular just based on the stories you've quoted.

The truth is out there, but is anyone willing to listen?
And those that do, will they be able to do anything about it BECAUSE of the conspiracy?

My brain hurts.

At 9:00 PM, Blogger Lauren Dane said...


At 3:14 AM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

Michele, certainly seems that way at times, doesn't it? - Lauren, my sentiments as well. *shaking my head here*


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