Tuesday, February 06, 2007

New Airport Restrictions & Other Groaners

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.




2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."




3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.




4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.




5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."




6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"




7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home .'"


"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."


"Is it common?"


"Well, it's not unusual."




8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning.""I don't believe you,"says Dolly."It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.




9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.





Four year education at the University ofWest Virginia? =$57,896.00


Admission to a fraternity party? = $10.00


A Canon PowerShot 5.0-Megapixel Digital ELPH Camera? = $399.00


Sending Mom and Dad a picture of you and your friend =PRICELESS











STILL DON'T SEE IT? LOOK OVER THE SHOULDER OF THE GIRL ON YOUR LEFT





10. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.





11. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.





12. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".





13. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.





14. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse."But why?", they asked, as they moved off."Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


Einstein's Theory

The 19th of January was Einstein's birthday. He would have been 107. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed, and postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection. This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
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Oh be quiet - - I don't write this stuff, I just pass 'em on!

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There were others, but I just didn't have the heart to post 'em.



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Okay, so if you're still hanging here, maybe you'd like to know that my writing buddies (we are CPs plus did an anthology together for Ellora's Cave) have some knews. Summer Devon and Kris Starr both received the JERR silver star award for their novells (mine will be out in April, but don't hold your breath on my winning anything - I have yet to get a good review from them - for some reason these gals really don't like my writing - lol - I mean REALLY don't like it - nothing ever above a 3 out of 5 that I can remember).
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As for what else is new? Red Hot Lover is up for a CAPA award, as is Leaving Mama.

Cash Cole’s 1st male/male romance sold nearly 300 copies the first 3 weeks after it debuted, end of December.
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I'll be signing copies of both Just Desserts and Leaving Mama at the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention in Houston, end of April.
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...and...That's it for today. Have a nice rest of the week, everybody. More later...

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4 Comments:

At 9:33 AM, Blogger Beth said...

Great jokes. My son's girlfriend collects "clean" jokes. Sweet girl. I'm going to pass them along. (Not that picture of the guy off to the left, though.)
Congratulations on all your book success.

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger Liz Wolfe said...

OMG! How long did it take you to find all those jokes? You wouldn't be avoiding writing or something would you?
Hope I get to sit next to you at the book signing.

Liz

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger Kate R said...

speaking of Kris Starr, do you see the eeeiny weenie pink bikini challenge?

I wonder what the fuck the guy to the left was on? What a noob.

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger Michele said...

ROTFL!!
My gosh, I could spend an hour going through your posts... there's always the little things that surprise me... like the leaking sausage in the pic.
LOL!!!

AND the jokes... too many good ones to name.

Congrats on selling to Ellora's.. one of my favorite Eplaces to shop at.

As always, you're great entertainment, Lyn!
HUGS

 

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