Thursday, October 18, 2007

13 Things I've Learned

Thirteen Things That I Have Learned

True friends come in all sizes...

...and favorites are crazy, chocolate, and comforting, not necessarily in any particular order...

Sometimes there IS a pot at the end of the rainbow.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

Jokes about Seniors (politically correct term for'old farts') are still funny:

An elderly man and his wife went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.

Sounds good," the wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" the woman asked incredulously.

"YES!" stated the waitress.

The husband told his wife to just order from the regular menu and he'd take whatever she didn't want from her plate.

The older woman thought a moment. "I'll take the special."

The waitress readied her pen. "How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," the old woman replied.

Much to the waitress's consternation, the old woman put the two eggs in her purse and took them home.

There is such a thing as a bipartisan bumper sticker...


Democrats put it on the rear bumper.

Republicans put it on the front bumper.

3 More things I’ve learned:

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Lawyer jokes will always find an audience:

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

Sometimes it doesn't pay to take the kids to the zoo...

...OR to the park...

And last but not least, I have learned that Moms still RULE. Listen to this Mom's Overture, and you'll see what I mean!

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At 11:12 AM, Blogger Beth said...

I LOVED that Mom's Overture!

At 7:35 PM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

Oh, I'm so glad! My friend Lee in DC sent that link to me - lol.

At 10:39 PM, Blogger Denise Patrick said...

The Mom's Overture is hilarious. Watch the one that has the lyrics so you don't miss anything she says while you're laughing your butt off!!

At 2:58 PM, Blogger Sam said...

Mom's Overture is Awesome.
And LOL - neither God nor man ever got any more rest!!!

At 10:06 AM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

*waves to Denise, Sam, & Beth (again)...glad ya'll liked Mom's Overture. Thanks for the hint to view the one with lyrics, Denise!


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