Thursday, June 05, 2008

A Quick 30-minute Trip With Donna

7 am, fixed sausage links for The Kids, made The Girl lunch, an "everything" bagel with cream cheese and thin slices of turkey breast and smoked ham.

Sky is ominous looking, because we have more storms headed our way. I watch The Kids leave later and notice that they're headed west, which means...those little shits are going to buy cigarettes at Quick Trip. WE have ALL supposedly QUIT SMOKING. Fuckers. So I grumble and go about my business, and neighbor Donna asks if I'd like to go to the grocery store with her. Sure. I mean, I need to walk, but I've been spooked that a dark cloud would burst upon me, and I'd be drenched (or worse--struck by lightening) before I get home.



Our five-minute trek to the store starts with her cat jumping into the car. Cute, at first, right? We pet the cat, then cat goes to rear window and parks, refuses to budge.
Here we are, two grown women in a not-so-grown-up rice burner car, backing in and out of her driveway to scare the cat into jumping out of the car. Cat won't budge. Digs in, if anything. Cat from hell.
We go back and forth - and you'd have to see this car to fully appreciate the predicament. Windows won't roll up. Her car door won't full close. It has like 3 different colors if you count the primer. A Singer sewing machine has a louder (and more powerful) motor. And we're backing up five or six feet, pulling forward five or six. This goes on forever.
Donna is short and tries crawling into the back with a tree branch to spook the cat - and even that doesn't work. Finally, she says fuck it and just takes off. Cat leaps forward and wants out.

We go to the grocery store. Do our thang. Then she asks if I'd like to stop at Quick Trip for a frozen cappuccino. Sure. I go in - clerk says oh HI and that she's seen my kids this morning. Again...fuckers. You'd be proud of me, though - I did not buy cigarettes at the QT, despite knowledge that The Kids were smoking.
Didn't have to. Purchased them at the grocery store.

And in parting...something from Janet...

How to save the airlines:

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell --- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Certain religious sects of which I can't name for fear of being labeled politically incorrect would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right --- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

And this one - LOL...

If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and came upon the following poster.........






I mean seriously, Would you quit drinking?

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6 Comments:

At 2:12 PM, Blogger Beth said...

This entire post cracked me up!
Particularly the (tiny), "Didn't have to..." bit.

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

hehehe - glad you stopped by - you made MY day (I really was kinda pissy earlier)...

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger Denise Patrick said...

Too, too funny!! Shame on. . .the kids! Time to really quit smoking!

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

*hangs head* I know. Hell of it is that I really want to quit. I'm down from 2 packs a day to 1 then to now, which is like 1 pack every 3 days or so. But it's still smoking. It's still not "quit".

 
At 9:20 AM, Blogger Sam said...

I giggled through your whole post, then hit the last 'lips that touch liquor poster', and spewed coffee all over my lap.
My husband thought it was a hoot too.
LOL

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

:)

hardest part has been in not telling The Kids that I know they cheated...and worse...left me OUT - lol.

 

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