Saturday, March 17, 2007

Shenanigans



From CJ: I was re-reading a piece today and ran across this line (again). The grammar may not be quite right, but I couldn't stop chuckling anyway. I know EXACTLY what the author meant.

"I realized that my mouth was on autopilot and so just shut up while my brain had a chance to blink owlishly and stagger around looking for a gear to be in."





From Mary Ellen:


If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.(O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy)


(I'm still not over the Pig shit.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumpingthe length of a football field.


(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.


(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(Okay, so that would be a good thing)


A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.)


Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.


(What about that pig??)


From Helen: A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book. The other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.


From Helen (to make up for the last one): Man goes to supermarket - told from his POV.


The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public address system: "Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."


From Liz M:


Five tips for a woman.... 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you. 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.


From Liz Wolfe:


Can you solve this puzzle?

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop off (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star. * Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *


She knows me so well - lol. OF COURSE I had to try solving it.





Happy St. Patrick's Day, Everybody!




For some real treats, find Merry Stahel's blog to your right in the column of blogs I read, and check out her photos from Saudi!




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3 Comments:

At 2:34 PM, Blogger Merry said...

Ahhh, thanks for mentioning my pcitures! I've not posted any for a few days, so folk need to scroll down!

 
At 7:11 PM, Anonymous Doug said...

Happy St. Paddy's back atcha, Lyn!

 
At 6:22 AM, Blogger Lyn Cash said...

Thanks for visiting, Merry & Doug - I miss blogging!

 

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