Friday, March 21, 2008

whine, whine, whine

Have you ever had one of those days in which everything that comes out of your mouth is just wrong? You piss people off you didn't even know NOTICED you, people you actually love are offended because they feel you've ignored them, or it's just one of those days when you could step in dog shit even if you didn't have a dog?

I've had a month and a half of those days. Today was no exception. I think it's because everyone here is quitting smoking - I really do. Some of us need to deal with being fallible and leave being perfect to the perfect assholes.

Or not.

I've already had a f***er of a day, right? Then I go to Wally World at damned near midnight with The Girl, and some idiot driver in front of us is bent over and has her head between her legs doing God knows what while she's driving 50 miles an hour. She weaves, crosses the center line and STAYS there for several blocks. We can't pass her - she's oblivious to folks around her honking at her. I mean, WHO can drive with their HEAD UP THEIR ARSE? She can, because she missed all the telephone poles and other drivers but hit every yellow and white line on the damned street. I think it's because the other drivers all missed HER and that the yellow and white lines couldn't get out of her way.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

So while I'm being snippy...

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

And since it's Easter weekend...I can't help but take at least one potshot at the religious fantatics...and I DO believe, truly, I DO - it's just that I don't believe everything THEY, fuck it...

There are only three religious truths as far as I'm concerned:

a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.

Okay, so I lied - I believe there's a 4th - There IS a God, and I'm not it.

Last week on the bookshelf online group a book seller suggested that the governor of New York could have spent much less and just READ these books and would still be governor. Here's her suggestions:

1. The Happy Hooker: My Own Story by Xaviera Hollander

2. Callgirl by Jeannette Angell

3. Mayflower Madam: The Secret Life of Sydney Biddle Barrows by SydneyBiddle Barrows

4. Love for Sale: A World History of Prostitution by Nils Johan Ringdal

5. Brothel: Mustang Ranch and Its Women by Alexa Albert

6. Sex Work by Frederique Delacoste

7. Sin in the Second City by Karen Abbott

8. Soiled Doves: Prostitution in the Early West by Anne Seagraves

9. Courtesans: Money, Sex, and Fame in the Nineteenth Century by KatieHickman

10. The Madams of San Francisco by Curt Gentry

What was really shocking to me? I think I've read 80% of those - LOL - and ENJOYED them. Hmm. Maybe I should have run for governor.

Just when I think I've had a shit day, though...I'm reminded that things COULD (and HAVE) been worse.

Hope you got at least one smile out of all this I posted.



At 5:01 AM, Blogger Lyvvie said...

I got more than just one. Thanks!

At 2:18 PM, Blogger Denise Patrick said...

You are too funny, girl! And, I love that saying at the top of this post because of course I'm left-handed!! LOL

At 4:28 PM, Blogger Jennifer said...

I Laughed all through your post.
Your shitty days are Funny.


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