You scored 28% grit, 28% wit, 38% flair, and 26% class!
|You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women. |
Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.
If you can FIND this darned test, send me the link - ROFL - I took it and now I can't find it to leave it for YOU to take if you'd like. Not that DOUG would want to take it, but you never know. That's what I get for ripping it off of someone else's blog.
The test creator says: My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored 99% higher than everyone else on grit, wit, flair, & class.
The Kid sent me the funnies I'll post today:
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility….
Q: "Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."
Q: "Officer — who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."
Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir. With my life."
Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do!"
Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."
Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."
Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room." The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
And one more…
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
Q: Did you check for breathing?
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Now I'm off to make my frappuccinos, totally ripped off from a knock-off recipe online. Great frappuccinos can be found at your local Starbucks, but if you wish to make your own at home, consider this:
3 oz. hot espresso (see Notes, below)
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 1/2 cups milk - low-fat okay
1 Tbls. dry pectin (see Notes, below)
1 cup ice cubes
All I did was pop it all into a blender, sans the pectin, adding a bit of icecream, and topping it all off with Chocolate-flavored Cool Whip.
Boobs & Bloopers
*Not a joke!* PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO WATCH THIS.
It’s excellent information on a kind of breast cancer that’s not gotten much press. Every woman needs to see this video. Please share with your girl friends and daughters. This is something that most of us have never heard of before.
Click: komo Video Player
And if that doesn't work, click this one: Inflammatory Breast Cancer
– the Silent Killer, not detectable with a mammogram. Even the Susan G. Komen center didn't know about this one until recently.
Now for the joke...
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive! electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father - - Next!”
Thank you to Mary Ellen for the joke and to Janet for the information on IBC.
Friendly Shout Out & Fried Rattlesnake
I had one of the BEST days ever. #1 Son, his girlfriend, & I went shopping. Mind you, I love shopping...for other people. These two, however, talked me into trying on clothes. Walked out (thanks to son's generosity) with a new pair of shoes, a long crinkled shirt, and a silky top.
I spent a few moments outside the mall sipping a mocha frappaccino from Starbucks, sitting, and people-watching, and a woman sitting across from me struck up a conversation. We talked about one thing, then another, then writing. Come to find out, she worked at the mall's bookstore and suggested I visit in a couple of months when my 1st book hits the bookstores. Offered to bring all their books of mine out and have me sign them and place autographed by author stickers on them, etc. So...Sharon, if you're reading this, THANK YOU, and you will see me in August or September with pen in hand.
Guess this book (it's Leaving Mama) will be out in book stores about a month after nationals. Thanks to Lex, I have some bookmarks and book thongs to place in the Goody Room for the other writers to have.
Two years ago when I was in Dallas for the RWA conference, one of the writers had postcards with recipes in the Goody Room - one recipe was for cooking rattlesnake. Janet sent me this photo today. Thought I'd post a recipe (not the other author's - lol) you might enjoy.
This snake was recently found at the old Turkey Creek Gas Plant located just south of the Alibates Turnoff on Highway 136 south of Fritch Texas (just north of Amarillo). 9 feet, 1 inch - 97 lbs.
1 medium-sized rattlesnake (3-4 lbs.), cut into steaks
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1/4 cup cracker crumbs
1/2 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder (not garlic salt)
1 teaspoon salt
Mix dry ingredients. Whisk milk into beaten egg and use to dip snake steaks. Then coat them with dry ingredients. Fry, uncovered, in 400 degree oil until brown.
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
No, I'm not angry. Just annoyed today.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , former ly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
My writing seems to be in the toilet this weekend. Not one to bemoan the mental BMs that have plagued me, I thought I'd illustrate a bit with photos & humor.
Janet sent me the joke, Alex the photos of the toilets (another of Reader Sue's gems):
My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little
girl, she'd take me into the stall, show me how to wad up toilet paper and
wipe the seat. Then she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the
Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat.
Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over
the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh
make contact with the toilet seat.
That was a long time ago. Now, in my "mature" years, "The Stance" is
excruciatingly difficult to maintain.
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you
check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a
door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom,
no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook,
if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it
around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on
the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your
mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you
would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the
one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in
the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The
door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your
chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom
has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered
seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even
if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat
because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose that
somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that point, you give up.
You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're
exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket
and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how
to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands
with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still
You are no longer able to smile politely them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet
paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You
yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly,
"Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and
left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why
is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men
what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked
question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other
gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the
Then there are the more manly ones, but this seems way out of sorts for me. I've never known but one man who could consistently hit the bowl, so...cleaning it? No Thanks.
New Books & Awesome Reviews
My friend Dee
’s contemporary romance, Betting Hearts
, debuts today. Dee is a fabulous
author, for those of you who haven’t read her yet!
Being newly published is scary enough, but when that first review hits, your stomach is in knots, your pulse races, and you wonder if maybe you shouldn’t have simply taken up a non-competitive, non-invasive pastime or hobby rather than throw yourself into the zany career life of a writer. Heather Rae received her first review
a while back, and I’m happy to report that both writer and book are doing well. WAY TO GO, HEATHER!Just Desserts
, my 1st novel with Ellora’s Cave, received a Recommended Read by Fallen Angel Reviews.
This is my first Lyn Cash, and I can tell you, it sure heated me up. Grab some ice (ice cream, even!). You’ll need it to prevent your temperature from shooting off into the stratosphere. The chemistry between these characters will scorch you, and sear them in your heart and mind for a long time to come. They are fabulous characters, as are all the characters in Just Desserts. Beyond likeable, their antics, exploits and mishaps will leave you laughing, and you’ll definitely not want to leave them till the very end.
You can read the entire review here. It’s kinda kewl receiving that little Golden Angel award – THANK YOU, Elizabeth, for the kind words.
Leaving Mama has had a few requests for reviews, so I’ll be posting more information about that book as the reviews trickle in. Oh…here is one I didn’t know about! “Leaving Mama is a funny and romantic story about a family secret and how people become involved in it. Bobbie Cole has written a story to enjoy. With a tear and a laugh…” – THANK YOU, ANNICK!
My friend Alexis has been receiving rave reviews for A Handyman’s Best Tool (which is hysterically funny!!!), and it is now available in print here.
For a wonderful fantasy romance, take a look at Samantha Winston’s Planetary Passions—Renegade Aquarius. Writers who world-build just intrigue the heck outta me, and Sam is one of the best. Sam also writes contemporary romances, such as The Argentine Lover (a hero to die for, by the way).
She’s a fascinating woman, and her passion for writing, sports (her husband IS a polo player who travels the world), and her home shine through in every word. If you’ve never visited her blog, I encourage you to do so, and nooo, not simply because you’ll find an interview with moi there some day.
Friend and fellow Samhellion Meg Allison is getting good reviews for her book, Secrets and Shadows.
BIG SHOUT-OUT to JORRIE SPENCER, who is always so kind to post information about the Samhain Publishing company’s releases! Jorrie is fabulous, and her blog always has the latest information and some great comments regarding our profession.
Another SHOUT-OUT and thanks to Tracy for blogging about Leaving Mama!
Have a terrific week, everyone! Last but not least, here is the day's funny from Alex:
I thought this was a rather appropriate response to the rising gasoline prices! - THANKS, ALEX!
Seems everywhere I go on the internet this week, people are fighting about one thing or the other. Must be something in the stars. You know - blame it on Mercury in retrograde, Pluto being too far 'out there', or Venus with her panties in a wad. What I'm not getting is the WHY. Why in hell would anyone let someone they don't even know ruin their day?
I love this woman - and she has her head on straight. I'm not sure about all of her posters, though:Colorful Reviews
. You'd have to go back into the week's archives at various places to understand how it all got started. Then there's another blog post
linking to a conversation that was being held on the first one I mentioned. And so on...
Then on a social group (writers, who else?) that I go to occasionally, women are fighting because of something an anonymous poster said. The woman apparently didn't feel safe posting her thoughts without recrimination, and the flurry of posts afterwards have been more about her cloaking her identity (think that's how she put it) than the subject matter she brought up. WTF? Whatever happened to mind over matter in these situations? If you don't mind, it really doesn't matter! You can even reverse that and get the same meaning--if if someone else minds enough to say something and you don't agree, what the hell does it matter? Are we that insecure that we have to browbeat someone with our own viewpoint?
I know what I'd do with a book from someone like that...the same thing I did with sequels to movies that should have stood alone. File 13.
This is why I enjoy going to blogs like these:Merry Stahel
- who always has great photos, a bit of homespun flavor in her posts, and something cheerful. She doesn't get a lot of posts there, but I'm sure there are others like me who at least pop in to absorb the ambiance. Same for Samantha Winston
, where I can always count on beautiful photography, recipes, information about a country I'd love to visit. Douglas Hoffman
supplies me with intelligent conversation, fabulous recipes, and his quirky perspective on politics (MOST of which I agree with wholeheartedly, but even if I didn't, nobody gets their nose out of joint in there). Ditto for This! Christine
- you could never mistake her for anyone else. Have you seen the photos of the ice in the river she has on her blog lately???
Then there's Maddie at Skylight Astrology
- what I wouldn't give to have that woman's inner peace and ability to channel the positive while sliding through the negative air as if it doesn't even exist.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE visiting the Smart Bitches
and their ilk, Romancing The Blog
, where conversations sometimes dig into deep-rooted problems in our genre and lives as writers, and I've found some interesting info on publishing visiting Ciar Cullen
, Lauren Dane
, and Melany Logen
, all who seem content to discuss writing as opposed to bitchery within the ranks.
I can bitch with the best of them. I just choose not to do it today. I've come too damn far in my own personal growth to get caught up in that crap. Tomorrow, maybe I'll feel differently, but I don't plan on it.