Atlanta Highlights: Chocolate, Kimani, Kelly, & Alex
Let's Talk Chocolate: Chocolate of all kinds - a week of tasty treats and awards, deliciously sinful books by some marvelous writers, chocolate-for-the-soul moments, and recognition for Vivian Stephens.Just got in from a marvelous week with friends & fellow writers. Had the BEST time, learned a lot, caught up with buddies I haven't seen since Dallas '04 or Reno '05, picked up some terrific new books, heard the skinny on who is looking for what, that sort of thing...and I'm ready to share.
Of course, I had opportunity to view several new books and meet new authors at this conference, and I’ll talk about some of them here.
First up...I'd like to mention Harlequin's new Kimani Romance line. (Some of the authors even have a Kimani Authors’ Blog.) For those who stood in line for autographed copies of books by Marcia King-Gamble, Brenda Jackson, AlTonya Washington, and Gywnne Forster...what did you think about these books and this new line? I was bowled over by the covers and blurbs, and I can't wait to read these stories! Met Marcia (pronounced Mar-see-ah) a few times, and a classier, funnier, sweeter lady can't be found. Think I'm digging into her Flamingo Place first. But then Gwynne's Her Secret Life is also calling me…and then there’s AlTonya’s book, A Lover’s Pretense.
I’ve been a Brenda Jackson fan for years, so I’m looking forward to reading Solid Soul, her 40th book!
If you look at Marcia’s website, you think…surely, nobody can look that good or write that well. Let me tell you – she’s the real deal. And is this not a kewl cover? *sigh*
These authors are NICE, too. One of the things I enjoy doing at conferences is to hand over copies of books I receive to those in the service industries. One of the hotel front desk staff was especially nice (waving at April if she’s ‘listening’), and I just knew she’d love the Kimani books, so after the signing, when there were books left, I requested some to hand to the girls at the front desk. April was holding her copy of Gwynne Forster’s book when Gwynne walked by (delighted, of course) and offered to sign the book. Later, April grabbed me and hugged me, thanking me wildly for having given her the book, and she had to share the news that she’d met the author. Evidently, Scenitra (and no, you can’t use the name, because Alex is already using it – lol – heroine in her current WIP that is too far near completion for you to use it right now. *evil grin* ANYWAY…Scenitra hugged me and told me that ours (RWA’s) was the absolute best the hotel had hosted in her opinion (and she was supervisor of the front desk, so I imagine she’d know – lol).
Chocolate for the soul: I also received copies of these books that are in Harlequin’s Spice line: Enchanted, by Nancy Madore, Tease by Suzanne Forster, Getting Even by Kayla Perrin, The Blonde Geisha (not released yet) by Jina Bacarr (you can pre-order this on Amazon at this link), and Lying In Bed by M.J. Rose. [Check out the Live Your Fantasy contest while you’re checking out Harlequin’s Spice site.] I was majorly impressed by these covers & blubs – I think Harlequin has hit on some really marketing strategies and that the authors handling these books are absolutely fantastic. Can’t praise them enough. Another highlight of my conference this year was meeting Alex’s daughter, Kelly Ethan. This young woman is a fantastic writer – I had the pleasure of reading some of her excerpts at the Samhain Author Day a little over a week ago. Kelly’s writing is so strong and her characters so unbelievably charming, funny, and REAL that I suspect she’ll be leaving Auntie Sunny in her dust before long as far as publications go.
The first time Kel came back to the room loaded down with books, she dumped 3 book bags full of treasure onto her bed and literally levitated then started jumping up and down as if she’d won the Lotto, stifling her screams so as not to get us thrown out of the hotel but still squealing like a little kid with delight. When it came time for workshops (tutorials, as the Aussies call them), she was like a school girl armed with pen, paper, and book bag, ready to learn. Trust me, though – this is no school girl. This young lady can WRITE, and the wheels are always in motion. One night after she’d gone to bed (and usually she is out once her head hits the pillow), she sat bolt upright, exclaiming “I have my first book for Nocturne.” After scrambling out of bed, grabbing a notebook and a pen, she scribbled down some notes then crawled back under the covers. Within a few minutes she’d done some dreaming and bounced up again. This time, her mum took notes as Kel dictated. The energy was palpable in that room when we should all have been asleep. This is what it's all about, I told myself, watching Kel at her first North American RWA conference. The excitement, the creativity unleashed, the wide-eyed wonder and honeymoon phase after selling that 1st book...these are the reasons writers keep going back year after year, to recapture that burst of energy, to hone the skills and pick up more knowledge, to expand the boundaries and cross borders we haven't yet sampled. Kel has been to the Aussie conference, but this was her first trip to America, courtesy of her mother, Alex. (By the way, Samhain Editor-in-Chief, or She-Who-Wields-The-Power, Crissy, gave Alex a present. Mail takes too long between continents, so Crissy gave Alex a box of books…her own…her two first books in print.) Alex was wearing a sarong and a smile, and we photographed her holding her books. Can’t wait to get the film up on it.
Got to meet Renee Luke and have her autograph a copy of Chocolate Kisses for me. This lady is really interesting - Sylvia Day told me that Renee was in charge of the fabulous luncheon the Passionate Ink writers had at the Oceans Ballroom at the Georgia Aquarium on Friday. I'll blog about the luncheon next time. When attendees are taking photos of the food, that’s a really strong comment on the cuisine alone. This luncheon had the BEST speakers imaginable...a reviewer, an agent, and an editor, all 3 of whom were terrific speakers…the BEST food, the BEST service, the BEST giveaways. More than a luncheon - breathtaking view of the Beluga whales, speakers that had even the wait staff laughing and blushing, Wolfgang Puck inspired food...no, not now not now not now - later - lol. I promise. The hours spent with this group had to be the highlight of what I attended as far as time shared in a group. It deserves a blog post of its own - truly.
I will be reading and commenting on the books I received, so be looking in future if you’re interested before purchasing the book.
KUDOS to RWA for renaming their industry award to honor Vivian Stephens!!! Had to give a big shout-out for that one. Vivian has been one of the least recognized and over-looked founders of RWA for too long.
***2006 Vivian Stephens Award Recipient = Lucia Macro, Executive EditorAvon Books***
Now…THINK PINK! Take a look at one of Harlequin’s latest offerings, Manga. I was tickled to get a peek at these, and I let one of the housekeepers at our hotel take a couple of them to her teenage daughter. The very next day, Charlotte said that her daughter wanted MORE, MORE - lol. So...maybe the company has another winner with this line.
NOCTURNE really captured a lot of interest from attendees. Check out the July 14th post at eHarl for more information. Here are the guidelines for those interested in tapping into this new line. I picked up Dangerous Temptations, by the fabulous Kathleen Korbel, Eternally by Maureen Child, and Haunted by Lisa Childs (different last names, you'll note - that's no typo).
I'd better save a bit for another blog, but maybe this will give you plenty to read and study for a day or so until I get some sleep and my bearings - lol. Thanks to those of you who stopped by while I was in Atlanta. More next time...and sorry for the 3 edits (for those who have that blog thingie that updates you every time someone posts)...I had some blogger trouble.
~ Sunny Lyn
How observant are you? - 22
HOW OBSERVANT ARE YOU? There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known about all our lives. How many can you get right?Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No lookingaround! No getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in yourdesk or computer!Check answers (at the bottom), AFTER completing allthe questions. Then, before you pass this on to your friends,change the number on the subject line to show how many you got correct. (if you use this as an email - I got 22, by the way)
LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE.
1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don'tlaugh, some people don't know)
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg? (Don't you dare get up to see!)
7. How many matches are in a standard pack?
8. On the United States flag is the top stripe redor white?
9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
10. Which way does water go down the drain, counteror clockwise?
11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
13 On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?
14. Which way do fans rotate?
15. How many sides does a stop sign have?
16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
17. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
21. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?
22. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?
1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on thetop or bottom? BOTTOM
2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don'tlaugh, some people don't know) 50
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?RIGHT
4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label? BLUE, RED, WHITE, YELLOW, BLACK & GOLD
5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't haveletters by them? 1, 0
6. When you walk does your left arm swing with yourright or left leg? RIGHT
7. How many matches are in a standard pack? 20
8. On the United States flag is the top stripe redor white? RED
9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial? 88
10. Which way does water go down the drain, counteror clockwise? CLOCKWISE (NORTH OF THE EQUATOR)
11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run? TOWARDS BOTTOM RIGHT
12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial? 12 (no #1)
13 On which side of a women's blouse are thebuttons? LEFT
14. Which way do fans rotate? CLOCKWISE AS YOU LOOKAT IT
15. How many sides does a stop sign have? 8
16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the rightor left side? LEFT
17. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel? 5
18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil? 6
19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who'smissing? BASHFUL
20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?8
21. On which playing card is the card maker'strademark? ACE OF SPADES
22. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cordthat adjusts the opening between the slats? LEFT
23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits? *, #
24. How many curves are there in the standard paperclip? 3
25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise? COUNTER
Not as easy as you thought? Now send it to some of your friends and put yourscore in the subject box!!!
Super Nerd Son got 24, on a technicality - he had 88.3 on # 9 (which is technically the lowest the dial goes, but...he was nice and counted it off on himself). I was a goober and couldn't remember GOLD as one of the colors on #4, had NO clue on how many sides a pencil has..haven't used one in decades, and forgot "Bashful" on the 7 dwarfs - and he's like one of my favorites.
Today's quiz is from Lee in DC.
Today's cartoon link is sent to you by The Kid - I thought this was funny.
I'm off to Atlanta tomorrow morning (anyone want to wake up at 3:30 am with me? - oh, c'mon...you know you want to...) for the national RWA conference. 2500 or so women...editors, agents, writers + tons of books, seminars, shopping (we're staying downtown near the Peachtree Center; plus there's the Georgia Aquarium, one luncheon with WOLFGANG PUCK, no less, and some major hugging & fraternizing with friends I haven't seen in ages. Poor me, right?
Heather Rae, Ann, Merry, Sally, Liz, Theresa...I miss you already - wish you were going to be there with us.
Is It Hot Enough Yet?
I'm preparing to travel to Atlanta for a few days, and the funny above just seemed appropriate.
My friend Alex and her daughter Kelly are already enroute from Australia. It's freezing over there, raining, barely any sunshine, and they are sooo looking forward to 'summer' again. I told her that they won't have a problem keeping warm in Atlanta (Hotlanta) in July. Their bodies will probably go into shock once they get back to winter in Oz, though.
Kel just got her first book cover, and I wish I could post it here. The coming soon page where it will be doesn’t have it up yet, and I can’t jump the gun here, but keep checking back at this link
, and it’ll be up soon, I’m sure. You can at least read the blurb here
if you like.
I had the pleasure of reading excerpts from Kelly’s 1st offering (the hag sold the first book she’d completed – hardly the norm for a writer) at the Samhain author blitz this past weekend. I’ve read some good werewolf stories, but I don’t as a rule pick them up on my own. This one? After just reading a few lines, I was hooked – the woman is hysterically funny and irreverent as can be. I still can't believe the little witch sold her first book. I'm so damned proud of her, you'd think she was my daughter.
Speaking of daughters...dear DIL-2-B and I have had the ice-cream munchies all summer. I've tried avoiding the cigarettes and have opted for the Banana Split Sundaes or the Rocky Road, which means I have to walk more to keep off the pounds. Cool thing is that ya could bounce a quarter off of my butt now. Went shopping a while back and discovered I'd dropped about 3 sizes in pants/skirts, but...alas...would have to walk on my hands to lose where I need to lose. Nestlee’s Drumsticks are my weakness (hard-chocolate covered Mint is my favorite so far – I haven’t had the nerve to try the Peanut Butter Fudge—would have to find some Anonymous meetings if I did).
If that's not bad enough, the blonde in the ice-cream truck has decided my neighborhood is a goldmine, so just as I'm concentrating on a wicked scene, I hear that darned music calling to me. (note to self: must buy just one more stash of ice-cream and hand her some books...maybe she'll stop driving and stay home under her air-conditioner reading)
Have a great week, everyone.
George Carlin, Nice Butt, & Review
This was sent to me by an 83-year-old cousin - I didn't even know he loved George Carlin, but the man sure loves life. Enjoy.
George Carlin On Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?"
"I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?"
"I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME = 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and everyday is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there.
Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them "
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Today's graphic is sent to you by Sylvia in Michigan:
On the writing front (considering I've just given you a backside - baaad pun), MAJOR huge shout-out to MILA BEAN at COFFEE TIME ROMANCE for her review on The Promise: Stream of Time – appreciate you, Mila!!!
Introducing an interesting viewpoint, Ms. Cash presents to readers a story of time travel, and the theory that time is circular and can be found through distinct keys. With an intricate plot and subplot, the reader is lead through a journey forming a final picture that is not only breathtaking but spectacular. With strong lead characters in search of the truth, a mystery as suspenseful as the clues to the puzzle, this story keeps a reader not only riveted but glued to their seat as they try to find the ending answer. I was very moved by the intrigue presented and the chill the theme of synchronicity and coincidences brought to the overall story. This reviewer gives much applause to Ms. Cash on writing a well-crafted and brilliant story.
Five of these babies - they just won't post side by side for me for some reason.
Another shout-out - there's a reviewer with a new website for you authors - her name is Cathie (Caffey is what she sometimes goes by) and she reads a LOT. Drop by and welcome her to cyberworld reviewing here .
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone.
What Is Brewing
I had the pleasure of having Wateena with Coffee Time Romance review my first mainstream novel, Leaving Mama. Thought I'd post the review link and a public THANK YOU to WATEENA for reading the book and taking the time to give a thoughtful review. Appreciate you, Wateena! (And now, of course, writer in me wants to know the history behind her name because it's so unusual and pretty - lol.) Here’s the link. Here are the basics (even though Bobbi is supposed to be spelled 'Bobbie').
Samhain Publishing LTD
Rating: 4 cups "This is a beautiful and heart warming story. A woman’s death unearths secrets from the past and a mother and her daughters learn more about each other. This story is a powder keg of emotions, and once it explodes, you will laugh, cry and even get angry, but you never lose the feeling of love behind it all. This is a wonderful story that stays with you long after you have closed the book."
ANNICK with euroreviews (I've tried & tried and can't get the darned link to work, so just take my word for it? - lol) also gave LM a great review. She had this to say: Leaving Mama is a funny and romantic story about a family secret and how people become involved in it. Bobbie Cole has written a story to enjoy. With a tear and a laugh…
Someone had asked on one blog I read whether the story had a HEA or not, and nobody responded to her, so, for the record YES, it certainly does! - lol. I didn't respond because it wasn't my blog, and...well, I have a difficult time just jumping in and shouting 'it's wonderful and you'll love it', because I always want to add: 'and if you don't, I'll help you get your money back'...which is a bit of a no-no, I take it.
Now I have NO problem whatsoever hawking someone else's wares. For instance...
Have you ever written a book with other people? I did, a few months ago, with Summer Devon and Kris Starr, and as of yesterday, all 3 of us have sold our novellas to Ellora's Cave. Now we're just waiting for edits, pub dates, book covers (okay, well SUMMER got hers, but then hers is also book #1 in the anthology). The anthology will be called SHRINK WRAP and is about 3 women plagued by the paranormal. One woman is invisible to the man who loves her, one has the ghost of a long-deceased (as in generations ago) grandmother playing matchmaker (and the grandmother was once a bordello girl who still has a bit of raunch left in her...okay, a LOT of raunch), and the third is an uptight executive whose new client wants her to get 'in touch with herself' via a rose quartz crystal with magical healing and erotic powers. ~ Here is Summer's cover for book #1:
I had the BEST time imaginable working on this series with Kris and Summer...I mean the BEST. Both of their stories are so funny and charming, with secondary characters to die for. The series is under "Shrink Wrap" because all 3 primary characters go to the same parapsychology clinic for help.
I had such a good time, that I roped even more critique partners into writing 3 anthologies for Samhain, if we can get our stories written and accepted, that is. We've been given the go-ahead to submit, at any rate. Three CPs are writing a heart-warming, sweet romance series called "Oh, Baby!", and the other six are writing a 2-anthology erotic series called "Who's Your Daddy?" that is hysterically funny.
There's more. Lex and I have been buddies a long, long time now - critique partners, 'sisters', fellow raunch 'riters - and now WE are doing an anthology. We did one before, but the 'book' didn't sell...the BOOKS did - she sold hers from that anthology to Changeling, and I sold mine to Loose Id. Now we want to take another crack at this and see what we've learned over the past year, see if we can't sell them as one anthology rather than splitting them up.
Lee in Washington sent me a puzzle you might enjoy.
This will boggle your mind... Take your time and follow the instructions.
1) Go to the link below. After reading each window click on the boy in the lower right corner.
2) In the last window type in your answer in the white box using the keyboard (there is NO cursor). You will be amazed....and no, I don't know how it's done .
Click here: http://digicc.com/fido/
And today's quote is from Janet: "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." ~ George Burns
Have a great week, everyone. Thank you for stopping by today.
~ Sunny Lyn
I wrote my first romance one weekend with Liz. We kicked our friend Jim out, borrowed his house, stocked it with food, wine, and beer, and cranked out the worst book imaginable in two days then headed for the river where we floated a 13-mile trip drinking beer and patting ourselves on the back for having done something interesting.
Jim later died, and his request was to have his ashes scattered at the racetrack, back when there was a racetrack. He loved the ponies and wanted to be ‘buried’ on the Finish Line. Trouble was, this was against the law, so his friends had to sneak out there, in the mud, during a pouring rain, and take care of the matter.
My friend Linda passed away July 3rd, and I didn’t find out until her burial, yesterday. I have so many wonderful memories of this woman – just thought I’d share a few.
When three of us divorcees—Linda, Liz, and I—first met at the university as graduate teaching assistants, we spent a lot of time floating the Illinois River in a canoe, having drinks at Granny’s Attic or someone’s house, sharing hobbies and interests (Linda got me into astrology and Liz drew me into service organizations)…I’m not sure what I contributed to the group.
As graduation approached, Linda proposed the three of us (plus my then 5-yr-old son) live in Mexico for two or three years. Two of us to work, one to write for 6-9 months, then trade off. Lots of Mexican Riviera and ruins to explore, cheap living expenses, that sort of thing. It’s the only time I turned down one of her proposals.
Liz left with a lover to teach at various universities from Missouri to South Dakota to Texas. She became a journalist and still either volunteered or worked for such organizations as the American Lupus Association, Neighborhood Watch, etc. She and her lover visited Costa Rica twice, Europe…I don’t know how many times, not to mention cities all over North America. They’d fly off to Paris for a weekend to celebrate someone’s birthday or trek through a jungle just because it was there.
Linda remained single and used her alimony monies over the next seven years to fuel her ambition to remain beautiful. She lived off of her teaching salaries at various public and private schools, and every summer would have some form of liposuction surgery, an eye lift, a tummy tuck, that sort of thing. She took many lovers, some who were big dogs in state government, others who were so artsy fartsy that even France wouldn’t have them. She wrote erotic poetry, traveled extensively, and painted. Some of her paintings still hang in this museum. Occasionally, she’d phone me to discuss planetary alignments or the cost of mascara, or she’d regale me with tales of her latest conquests…plural…there were always more than one.
Linda was one of those Dorian Gray types – you never knew just how old she was until she died and they printed it in a newspaper, making you blink in surprise. She was one of the most independent women I knew, one who took so much joy in simple things yet could commit some of the most amazing, bizarre, and controversial acts imaginable. I remember when my son lost his first tooth, and Linda was babysitting him. She spent the hours that night while I was in a night class to tape record their conversation as he wiggled that tooth in the bathroom. It was pretty enlightening to see what The Kid was like when he was with her, how she could draw him out and keep him talking about things important to him.
This was the same woman who dumped a big salad bowl on the head of a man who'd offended her at dinner...then howled with laughter when he picked up the pitcher of margaritas and dumped it on her head. Fancy restaurant - we're talking big name. Somehow, they managed not to get thrown out.
She was also the type who would stare down hitchhikers and street people, when others would turn their heads. Not Linda. She looked them over from head to toe, like she was sizing them up for her bed, a novel, or a painting...all of which was highly possible, despite her rather uptown, upscale education and upbringing.
Liz and I had brunch today. She’s moving to northeastern Texas to teach at the end of this month – our Bohemian friend is gone but never forgotten – and I’m the only one who actually went into writing, even though we all talked about it at one time. Sometimes I wonder why. I mean Liz was brighter than any of us, Linda more creative, so why me?
I guess someone had to tell their stories from time to time. My life has never been boring, but it’s hardly been theirs. I did the mom thing, and the traveling I did was mostly with my child. The charities I’ve worked for were piddly compared to Liz’s. The lovers I’ve taken weren’t huge movers and shakers, as were Linda’s. God knows I’m not as gorgeous as either of them – lol. But I’ve had what I wanted…I’ve been blessed by people in my life…them included…that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Linda didn’t believe in heaven or hell per se. She believed in reincarnation, Wheel of Life stuff, nothing so austere as eternal damnation. I’m pretty sure that regardless, if she’s managed to snag a seat where politicians and sex are welcome, it’s not behind the Pearly Gates.
Liz, on the other hand, was raised Protestant and converted to Catholicism for marriage. Once that was over, she kept her beliefs…I think. For some reason, religion never comes up in our numerous conversations, but she’s familiar with Linda’s beliefs, so I’ve wondered without asking just what she thinks now.
I had a beer last night…her beverage of choice…after Linda was laid to rest. Some day I’m gonna visit her grave and have another, and pour one over the ground, just to have a last drink with her. If Gambler Jim’s ashes can make it to the Finish Line, I think I can pour beer on a grave without too much flack from the Almighty, or whoever is watching.
Typical writer that I am, I intend to continue speculating on these friends, telling their stories…and mine. I’m glad at least one of us decided to record our adventures.
I’m sure you have friends whose very existence shaped you into who you are. Feel free to share or to just read and reminisce privately as you think on them.
Lord, Save Us
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods
I have no clue if Tiger actually said this or if someone just credited him with it, and today’s blog has nothing whatsoever to do with hockey, basketball, or golf, but the word ‘pimp’ does come to mind.
Some things are so stupid that they deserve to be exposed. Say an insurance company, for instance, has a customer…a little old lady, sitting at a local restaurant known for its dairy products, eating her ice-cream, and suddenly…lo and behold she has a fender bender of some sort. She phones her insurance company and tells them that a tan, four-door sedan just zoomed by and hit her while she was parked…a deliberate hit and run. BUT…she says, “I have the tag number.”
The tag # belongs to some poor schmuck living two cities away, and the car in question has been sitting lifeless in a driveway, awaiting the owner’s financial ability to fix ‘er up. The car has flat tires, fallen leaves debris from at least four winters, probably five, encrusted on the grill and beneath the windshield wipers. But…when the lady gives her insurance company the information, they phone the cops, and the police report “We’ve found that vehicle.” Now in some states, mind you, the DMV records do not show the COLOR of the vehicle, just the make, model, year.
When the insurance company can’t ‘locate’ the driver of that car, even though the driver has lived in the same house for nearly ten years, the debt soon gets turned over for collection to a company who supposedly specializes in recoveries. They pull the DMV records and credit reports, send nasty, threatening letters (the kind that indicate “We’re having your license suspended until you clear up this matter”), and make the young man’s life a living hell. So he phones.
No, no police report was ever filed. No, no paint samples were taken. No photographs, no witnesses other than the old lady herself, clearly a ‘victim’, but…we’re pursuing this matter anyway. Pay the bill, deadbeat.
Let’s see, no Miranda rights were given, there’s no proof of the car or the driver actually being in the city limits, much less at Braum’s buzzing old ladies. The woman claiming injury to herself and vehicle has no proof, and the car that supposedly hit her is a dark, navy blue that has never had a paint job outside the factory. But the dumbass bill collector is SUING? Did they ever read the FDCPA, much less pass a test on it?
Now the young man who has been driving another vehicle the past few years is suddenly put in the position of having his wages garnished, his license suspended, and…you get the picture. He has everyone from landlord to neighbors and friends willing to back him up against the old lady’s claim. So now what? Take a judgment against his credit report and get sued for something he didn’t do…or get an attorney to handle the matter? And we wonder why insurance premiums are so damned high.
Like I said, someone’s pimping something here…and it has nothing to do with race, sports, or people…just the color of a car.
On a more cheerful note, a woman I know who shall remain nameless and blameless just received notice from the public health department that she’s due for a yearly pap exam, one she just took six weeks ago. Oh, and according to the letter, her birth control will be withheld if she doesn’t show up. Never mind she’s not a virgin anywhere after that last exam, because it’s the ‘rules’ now that every woman in her state over the age of fifty gets the anal probe along with the pap. Never mind that her hysterectomy of ten years ago has saved her the need for birth control. Of course, before this is cleared up, the medical personnel will wish like hell she’d been on hormones since that surgery.
Again…and we wonder why insurance premiums are ridiculously high.
WTF? What next? A transient or illegal alien slips on someone’s lawn then sues the RENTER for enough money to put his/her ten kids through college?
We need to save our bullets and dollars and concentrate on winning the war against stupidity, because the real war isn’t overseas…it’s right here.
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Darryl said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, "Nope, a in't Bubba."
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.
"Yup, I've never seen 'em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we w ent to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."
I’m sure one of them works for an insurance company somewhere.
Praise, Purses, & Pusses
From my heart... thank you, for all you do.
Today's blog is partially (okay, muchly) brought to you by Janet, my friend with a slew of jokes & photos you've seen here. This bit about the purses really made me THINK of where all my purse has been before I sit it down.
(KUTV) SALT LAKE CITY Its' something just about every woman carries with her. While we may know what's inside our purses, do you have any idea what's on the outside? Shauna Lake put purses to the test - for bacteria - with surprising results.
You may think twice about where you put your purse in the future. Women carry purses everywhere, from the office to public restrooms to the floor of the car. Most women won't be caught without their purses, but did you ever stop to think about where your purse goes during the day?
"I drive a school bus, so my purse has been on the floor of the bus a lot," says one woman.
"On the floor of my car, in restrooms."
"I put my purse in grocery shopping carts, on the floor of bathroom stalls while changing a diaper," says another woman. "And of course in my home - which should be clean."
We decided to find out if purses harbor a lot of bacteria. We learned how to test them at Nelson Laboratories in Salt Lake, then we set out to test the average woman's purse. Most women told us they didn't stop to think about what was on the bottom of their purse. Most said they usually set their purses on top of kitchen tables and counters where food is prepared. Most of the ladies we talked to told us they wouldn't be surprised if their purses were at least a little bit dirty. It turns out purses are so surprisingly dirty, even the microbiologist who tested them was shocked.
Microbiologist Amy Karren of Nelson Labs says nearly all the purses tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria. Pseudomonas can cause eye infections, staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections, and salmonella and e-coli found on the purses could make people very sick.
In one sampling, four of five purses tested positive for salmonella, and that's not the worst of it.
"There was fecal contamination on the purses," says Amy. (You know... poop?)
Leather or vinyl purses tended to be cleaner than cloth purses, and lifestyle seemed to play a role. People with kids tended to have dirtier purses than those without, with one exception. The purse of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all.
"Some type of feces, or even possibly vomit or something like that," says Amy.
So the moral of this story - your purse won't kill you, but it does has the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat.
Use hooks to hang your purse at home and in restrooms, and don't put it on your desk, on a restaurant table, or on your kitchen countertop. Experts say you should think of your purse the same way you would a pair of shoes.
"Would you consider putting a pair of shoes onto your countertops? Well that's the same thing you're doing when you put your purse on the countertops," says Amy.
The microbiologists at Nelson also said cleaning a purse will help. Wash cloth purses and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather purses.
On another note...I haven't weighed in anywhere on the authors behaving badly topics, but since I was asked what I thought, here it is. I feel that if I've put a book out for the public, anyone who reviews the book is entitled. They know and I know and the buyer knows who wrote the thing and that when a review appears, whatever is said, whether it's good or bad, is just that person's opinion. I personally would rather have an honest critique or review, so if that's what they bring to the table, I'm okay with it. I can live with it and stand behind my product if I'm gutsy enough to put my name on it (and this includes my smut monicker, since I don't hide behind it - I let everyone know I'm both Bobbie Cole & Lyn Cash...the names are just there so that readers don't confuse themselves as to what type of product they're buying...one is mainstream, the other erotica).
It's dumb, IMO, to trash a reviewer or a reader. It's dumb to even trash ourselves. It is what it is, ya know? My work isn't me...it's a part of me. It's a product. Yeah, I like what I do or I wouldn't be doing it. Same with the reviewers. As long as we do our thing with integrity, as long as we're not out to deliberately hurt anyone, where's the harm?
If Bam trashes a book I've written, that's her prerogative and power to her. If Chrissy likes me, same thing. I don't have to agree with either of them - lol. The one Bam absolutely hated has been my most consistent seller for the past year, and another that got marvelous reviews has been my slowest. I think where tempers flare is when we resort to name-calling and yelling and swearing at someone who disagrees with us. It's just unprofessional and doesn't accomplish anything.
So...just like with the war, I may not agree with whatever is said or done, but I can respect their efforts, and I can thank them for my freedom. I live in the greatest country in the world, and one of our freedoms is that of freedom of speech. I'm not a redneck, but my neck gets a little pink when someone messes with those freedoms.
Happy Independence Day.