Welcome To December
For starters...here's some seasonal humor, courtesy of Janet...
Happy Holidays. I have a headache this morning but I got the tree up last night!
...now this is baaaad taste, Janet!
THE BAPTIST BATHROOM
A very proper lady began planning a week's camping vacation for her and her Baptist Church group. She wrote to a campground for reservations. She wanted to make sure that the campground was fully equipped and modern, but could not bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. So, she decided on the old-fashioned term "Bathroom Commode." Once written down she still was not comfortable. Finally, she decided on the abbreviation "B.C." and wrote, "Does your campground have its own "B.C.?"
When the campground owner received the letter, he could not figure out what she meant by "B.C." He showed it to several of the campers, one of whom suggested the lady was obviously referring to a Baptist Church since there was a letterhead on the paper, which referred to a Baptist Church.
Therefore, he sent this reply:
Dear Madam, The B.C. is located nine miles from the campground in a beautiful grove of trees. I admit it is quite a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly.
No doubt, you will be pleased to know that it will seat 350 people at one time, and it is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday of each week. Some folks like to take their lunch and make a day of it. The acoustics are very good, so everyone can hear even the quietest passages. It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband there.
We are also having a fund-raiser to purchase new seats, as the old ones have holes in them.
Unfortunately, my wife is ill and has not been able to attend regularly.
It has been a good six months since she last went. It pains her very much not to be able to go more often. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, especially in cold weather. Perhaps I could accompany you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks who will be there.
Eating Tips for the Holidays.
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an 'eggnog-aholic' or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert -- Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Now why ANYONE would want to read a male-bashing joke is beyond me, but for those who do, this was Janet's offering...
See ya'll next week hopefully. *ggg*
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13 Movies I Like That Were Based on Books
Thirteen Favorite Movies Based On Books1. White Palace – by Glenn Savan
2. Gone With the Wind – by Margaret Mitchell
3. Dr. Zhivago – by Boris Pasternak
4. American Psycho – by Brett Easton Ellis
5. Altered States – by Paddy Chayefsky
6. The Shining – by Stephen King
7. Charlotte’s Web – by E.B. White
8. Exit To Eden – by Anne Rampling
9. Nobody’s Fool – by Richard Russo
10. Shawshank Redemption – by Stephen King
(based on short story “Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption”)
11. Get Shorty – by Elmore Leonard
12. The Witches of Eastwick – by John Updike
13. Heartburn – by Nora Ephron
And the movie I am most looking forward to at the moment?
P.S. I Love You, starring Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler. Anyone remember her in “Boys Don’t Cry” or “The Gift”? Not like the girl can’t act. And
THIS is the book, by Cecelia Ahern, on which the movie was based. I want this book, too!
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Have a great rest of the week, everyone, and an even better weekend!
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New Marketing Strategies for author Carol Lynne
The marvelous ML with
Moonglade Marketing has come up with some great promo for author Carol Lynne.
* * *
When Carol first told me about her marketing strategies for her
Cattle Valley series, I thought her ideas rather ingenious. Mind if I steal ‘em, Carol? – lol. Some readers, like the author, are visual people, and setting up a site where readers can interact a bit with the scenery and
characters/residents just might snag some attention.
Take a look at the website ML designed by clicking on the link above.
Here is the information about Carol’s new release (as of tomorrow, I believe).
Total-E-Bound Publishing
Erotic Rating: Total-e-burning
Genre: Contemporary/Gay/Ménage à trois
Book Length: Novel
ISBN: 978-1-906328-50-4
Format: e-Book
* * *
Book one in the Cattle Valley SeriesWhen a three man partnership becomes too much for their small Texas town, Ryan Blackfeather knows it’s time to head for greener pastures. With a new job awaiting him in Cattle Valley, Wyoming, he convinces his men, Nate and Rio to make the move.
* * *
And
here is where you can buy the book. It’s already a best-seller for TEB and Carol.
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Gentle thoughts for today...
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN.
<~~ Auntie Sunny's pups in DC - Say hello to Wyatt & Truman.
Have a nice day, folks.
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Thanks Giving
Today I’m thankful for many things. I’m thankful for friends with a warped sense of humor. Janet, Helen, and Donna come to mind.
Pussy & ThanksgivingThe exchange of good holiday wishes went something like this:
Donna’s Coworker: Happy Thanksgiving, Donna.
Donna: You, too! Happy Thanksgiving!
Coworker: I’ll bet you wish the Pilgrims had served cat instead of turkey. Right?
Donna: (puzzled) Say what?
Coworker: You know, if they had, we’d all be eating pussy instead of bird this week.
Speaking of pussy…
I taught Alexis Fleming how to say the word pussy. It’s true. She was a sweet little thing with a clean mouth before she met me. But you know how it goes…
somebody corrupted
Jaci
Ann trashed my mind
I didn’t want to make the journey to Smutville alone, so I snagged
Lex
One evening after I’d suggested Lex write smut, telling her that if I could do it, anybody could, she said, “Oh, I couldn’t. I can’t even say the word pussy without blushing.”
“Sure you can. Just practice.”
“Sunny, I can’t.”
“Then practice writing it.”
Days go by, and one evening I’m having computer trouble, so #1 Son steps in to fix the problem. I forget and leave Yahoo Messenger up while he’s working in my office. Suddenly I hear the loud DING to alert me someone has IM’d me. Then I hear The Kid cracking up. I go in there, and he’s about to piss himself laughing. He says, “I think this one’s for you.”
I look at the screen, and Lex has completely filled the Messenger box with the word pussy. I mean it’s covering the screen. I couldn’t even tell her about it for another three years, but around here, anytime someone says the word, The Kid and I look at each other and burst out laughing.
Lemons & Thanksgiving
I’m extremely grateful for friends who keep me sane. If Life hands me lemons,
Kate’s the friend who already has 6 cups of sugar and a huge pitcher of water ready. She’s halfway through a recipe for lemon bars or lemon cookies, too.
I look at the lemons and think WOW – COOL – GRENADES to lob at assholes.
Carol’s the new friend who’ll invite me to
Starbucks to think about it before I do something rash. We might even have a lemon-something pastry with our caffeine while I cool off.
Lex would ask me to bake a carrot cake…more on that in a minute.
Donna or
Heather Rae would help me eat whatever I cooked. Janet would send me a joke about it. Helen would, too, only the joke would be political, something to do with Republicans getting pummeled with lemons. Lee & Mike would send me jokes about pussies.
Merry would suggest we go out for cheesecake – she always knows great places to go, like
The Cheesecake Factory.
Back to Lex. Our conversation would go something like this:
Lex: Bake me a carrot cake.
Me: But I have lemons.
Lex: Find some carrots – I know how you love carrot cake. I’ll bet we can really come up with something special.
She’s sneaky like that – throwing me off track, keeping my ass out of trouble. Lex is my voice of reason when Merry isn’t around. Lex keeps me sane when I want those lemons. When I want to just pound the crap out of say other writers who talk smack about their fellow writers (okay, their competition). I want to tell them I’m not buying their books any more if they’re disloyal to their publisher and to our comrades. Screw ‘em if they’re jealous or if they’re lemmings who want to join the Mob psychology. But Lex, and even Kate, stick by me, soothing me, telling me to keep my mouth shut, to bide my time and make lemonade or bake until the time is right to strike back. If ever.
So I have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season. My family is certainly not least, but looks like they’re last in this particular post.
I love you all.
Happy Thanksgiving.
~ Sunny
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Hunks & Laughs
Just for you, Tanya...
more porn for women...
...and I like the one below...from Janet, wishing me a stress-free day...
Are you still with me? Hmm. Maybe I'll have to invite you to my Pampered Chef party.
Will that do for a day or so? - lol
I have two days to decide what to fix for Thanksgiving for my bunch. We've treated our bodies like temples for the past two weeks while we've been going to the gym, and how we're gonna turn them into amusement parks.
Actually, I found some good links online on how to combat weight gain and loss of muscle tone, that sort of thing during 'the holidays' - lol. I'll share if you won't think I'm TOO much the nerd.
This tidbit was surprising to me: The average American consumes between 2500-4500 calories on Thanksgiving Day alone. (got that from Diets.com)
The author goes on to say: So with all the calories, no matter if it is from the veggie platter, the applesauce, the turkey, or the pie… calories are calories and all excess are stored as fat. One way to prevent this is to deplete most of the glycogen stores in your body leading up to the big day! Burn off some extra calories before the Holiday to prevent weight gain that just goes on through a vicious cycle till Santa comes or the evil snacks on new years.
Then she lists ways to burn the fat/glycogen:
*
30 Minute lunch break brisk walk- -152 calories
*
Take the stairs 6 times a day-53 calories
*
Clean something for 10 minutes a day- your car, vacuum; clean the bathroom, the kitchen- something! -32 calories
*
Strength training to tone up too!
*
Body weight squats at home- 20x4-28 calories
*
Push-ups on knees or toes- 12x3-13 calories
*
Sit-ups- 10x3 -24 calories
*
*
Thanksgiving Day burn 500+ calories! (say WHAT?)
*
*
Preparing food- get in the kitchen and help out.-40 minutes -132
Football- catch with the family-40 minutes- 200+ calories
Cleaning dishes-30 minutes- 65 calories
Walk with family after dinner-30 minutes- 130 calories
***
Anyway, that's my contribution for the day. Enjoy.
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I'm being a nerd today...
Here's a brain teaser for you...
Can you find the B's (there are 2)?
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Once you've found the B's
Find the 1
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1IIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Once you've found the 1..............
Find the 6
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
once you've found the 6...
Find the N
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
once you've found the N...
Find the Q...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Two blog posts in one week?
John Connolly supposedly said this about author
Wilbur Smith:
I had to interview him a few years back and read Monsoon. It was a big book, but I flew through it, and now I go out and buy his historical novels as soon as they appear. The modern ones aren't quite as palatable because the dialogue is so clunky. Mind you, he writes even ropier sex scenes than Ian Fleming. I'm always faintly embarrassed when I read them, although some are hilariously funny. I will forever be haunted by the line: "She gasped at the sight of Tom's wondrous man thing.
Why was it wondrous, I wondered? Did it light up? Did it play a tune?
Smut writer in me kinda liked that one. Thanks for the laugh, Mary Ellen.
Another quote I enjoyed, also sent by Mary Ellen: "There is no reason good can't triumph over evil, If only angels will get organized along the lines of the mafia."
Janet sent this one:
It's because she smells like a new truck. *snort*
Had coffee with Carol Lynne yesterday – this woman is always good for conversation and laughs. We discussed writing (smut) over caffeinated drinks and pastries. We talked about what we like best about m/m fiction and writing it: the guys, of course, our favorite gay men. Mine sent me a photo yesterday in an email that read: Wish you were here.
Is it any wonder why I love these guys? - lol. They even have a drink sitting there for me. And I KNOW that if I truly were there, I'd have two hunks offering me a platter of fruit, crackers, & various cheeses and someone rubbing my feet and back.
*sigh*
And in case you are wondering, YES, that is their house, their living room, a real fire in the fireplace, and a drink on hand. It's most likely a Manhattan.
I just added 4 pages to my latest m/m for Ellora’s Cave – that’s all it needed before it was 50k, long enough to go to a print book, as in one for the shelves, one you can buy at Border’s or Barnes & Noble. The damn thing was tight enough, but I did find one scene I’d wanted to expand. THANK YOU LEX for catching it for me.
Carol’s a very private person…and very sweet. She’s well-read, personable, interesting. She hates to blog, though, so I was surprised when she blogged for one of our mutual publishers. I thought
this was cute.
Have a good weekend, folks.
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13 Things I've Enjoyed Lately
Thirteen Things I've Enjoyed Lately
1. One of my former confessions students revamped an historical confession and sold it to Spice Briefs, so this shout out goes to ALICE GAINES - yaaaaay, Alice!!!!
2. I saw this little guy doing one of my walks during the past week. He made my day.
3. I love the autumn colors.
4. Jello's Cheesecake Pudding. (It's instant, but it's awesome.)
5. My plants are thriving indoors.
6. Lex helped me extend a novella to a novel. She also sent me makeup for my birthday. I think she's been talking to my kids - lol. They bought me perfume (Dolce*Gabana), said I needed to fix up a bit more often.
7. I'm writing, as in co-authoring, a novella with ole Lex, and it's quite, quite funny.
8. I love going to the gym, especially enjoy sitting in the monster spa pool.
9. Autumn leaves - on trees and not - make my day.
10. I love watching the evergreens bud their cones.
11. Making homemade chicken soup with noodles and dumplings.
12. Wearing hoodies.
13. Hearing the geese overhead as they say goodbye for the winter.
Have a great week, everybody!
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Coffees & Gyms
1. There is life after Treadmill.
2. Treadmills Do Not appreciate non-smokers (ahem) who cheat.
3. Cardio is not some Italian stud who is my trainer…alas.
4. Flavored water does not include Caffeine Free Diet Coke.
5. Chesty women shouldn’t jog. Ask my two black eyes.
6. Swimsuits purchased when Clinton was in office generally don’t fit well.
7. Never assume. Just because the octogenarian ahead of you can bench press 600 pounds does not mean that I can, and it’s OKAY.
8. I really miss my McDonald’s Big Macs & Quarter Pounders With Cheese. Hell, I just miss cheese.
9. I love having more energy—I’m just too whipped to do anything with it at present.
10. Coffee is still my friend.
I love my Scooter’s flavored coffees. My latest acquisitions have been their Crème brûlée, German Chocolate Cake, and Southern Pecan. I'm taking bags of these to San Francisco next summer to use while Lex & I are at RWA.
Hot Stuff - The Basics
Hot Coffee drinks come in several different variations.
· Espresso - Often called a "shot", this is a small serving of very strong coffee, and forms the basis of all the other specialty coffee drinks.
· Latte - Espresso with steamed milk and a little bit of foam on top.
· Cappuccino - Espresso with frothed milk on top.
· Espresso Machiatto - Espresso with very little foam.
· Breve - A latte made with half and half rather than milk.
· Cafe au Lait - Steamed milk with brewed coffee (not espresso).
· Mocha - Latte with dark chocolate.
· White Mocha - Latte with white chocolate
· Americano - Espresso with hot water.
· Italiano - Espresso in brewed coffee.
· Steamer - Not really coffee at all, but steamed milk with one of several flavors added. (Kids love 'em.)
I’m not through sampling all of these…in time…in time…
Espresso Drinks
· Espresso - Freshly pulled golden honey
· Latte - Espresso with steamed milk and a touch of froth
· Mocha - Same as Latte except with chocolate
· Caramelicious - Latte with caramel sauce and caramel whipped cream
· White Mocha - Same as Mocha except we use white chocolate
· Cappuccino - Espresso with lots of frothy milk and a little steamed milk
· Americano - Espresso with water
· Breve - Same as Latte except we use half and half instead of milk
· Candy Bar Drink - Snickers, Almond Joy ... you name it, with whipped cream
So…I’m sore as hell, but I am still able to sit long enough to sip my favorite brews. Like I said, there IS life after Treadmill.
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Jokes For The Weekend
Some things aren't meant to be kept to ourselves. Take for instance the "baby mop". The caption says something to the effect of making kids work for their keep. I'd make the photo bigger if I could - lol.
In other news...we have jokes.
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests,the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bedwith diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arm violently trying to get the unknown things off and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down at the bed sheets in amazement, replied:"I think I just beat the sh_ _ out of a ghost."
Happy Halloween ~ from Sarah
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.
The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant . If they're in the mud, they're not."
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week.
The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
~ from Mary Ellen
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way but was reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he grinds his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her .
With lightning reflexes, the blond takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration:
"CRAP! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
~ from Janet
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Happy Birthday To Me
Several years ago when my son was about 7 years old, I wrapped one of his Christmas presents like a zillion times. Not only that, but I hid it right beneath the bed where he'd been sleeping at my parents' house (we were visiting for the holidays). I wrapped and wrapped, I made a Treasure Map, and the poor boy had to go all over their property from inside the house (various rooms), up into the barn with a flashlight, back to the house...you get the idea. Well, paybacks are a bitch.
This morning, he woke up early to give me my birthday card. The FedEx package was labled "Seems Like Old Times". I knew I was in trouble. Inside that was another envelope, this one from UPS. Inside that one was something from DHL, with lots of wrapping and notes tucked in all the way through this venture.
I had little packages labeled with notes that said things like: Almost There (and of course, I wasn't - far from it)...
He'd drawn smiley faces...
Occassionally, he'd write something like: WOW - That's a lot of stuff!
No shit.
I did eventually get to the card, one of those sweet, sentimental ones that only a son can give to his mother that makes her wanna cry. *sniff, sniff*
I had to give him a LITTLE grief back, though. I told him, ya wait NOW when
I'm OLD and arthritic to pull this on me? He was quite pleased with himself. I hope I grouched enough so that when he goes back to his office and gives the low-down to the co-workers who helped him package this thing that they get some mileage from it. *grin*
Today is my birthday, yes. In anticipation of this event, I asked my son to gift me with a gym membership. Well, I wanted the whole fam-damily to attend, really, so...and he did...and we are...and I've been sore as the dickens, but...
The biggest benefit has been that my glucose has dropped from about 235 to 110. Color my wrinkled old arse quite happy.
Yesterday, I was so damned sore - I bitched, moaned, groaned, swore, and raised absolute hell at the thought of climbing out of bed and walking (this is outside the gym, mind you). But I did it. Within 90 minutes, I felt like a new woman. Pain gone. The leaves are turning, and the autumn colors are gorgeous. I did find one weird looking tree that had been trimmed, most likely by the city, to accomodate electrical wires, and maybe the shot will turn out for the blog.
I finally have a pub date on my next novella with Ellora's Cave.
Spies, Lies, & Duct Tape
ISBN is 9781419914331
Pub Date = 1/9/08
More on it later. Promise.
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For starters...here's some seasonal humor, courtesy of Janet...
Eating Tips for the Holidays.
5 Comments:
Good male bashing joke! It would, of course, be much funnier if the genders were reversed -- it would ring more true.
I tend to agree (mother of a son) - lol - except that I don't know many women strong enough to lift the spade. (or willing, if it came down to it)
I guess that's what friends in low places are for, huh?
I've been watching too many reruns of Oh!'s "Snapped!" as I write - can ya tell?
Thanks for stopping by!
Richard appreciated the last joke, even said the last sentence with me. Obviously, the man is more literate than I suspected.
I'd never hit him with a club.
Yet.
*snort*
Love these! That last one reminded me of a t-shirt I have:
It is important to find a man who has a gold credit card.
It is important to find a man with a sense of humour.
It is important to find a man who is kind and considerate.
It is important to find a man who is good in bed.
It is important that these four men never meet.
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